It was meant to be an adventure. Lovely mother-daughter time within a story we both loved, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, 1865. We had done a photo shoot years earlier based on the story with my daughter Fagyn as Alice about to fall down into Wonderland. The work was pasted in a public space and had many visitors.

“My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that.” ― Lewis Carroll

I bought us both tickets to an ‘Alice Experience’. Ostensibly a high tea with cocktails, riddles and Wonderland fun! Wow! A pity we didn’t run fast in the other direction this particular day of note.

We followed instructions to a dark dingy pub where our rubber soles on sticky floors made sound effects announcing our arrival. The Mad Hatter approached, either drunk or hungover it was hard to tell. She took the piss and we took it back, ungracious to a tee! Through the door we went, group by group, guided to our seats by over zealous drama post grads. We were seated by a heater blowing cold air whose door fell open onto the table every so often.

We had started to laugh uncontrollably and could not look at each other as the realisation hit us that bad drama, broken props and still no cocktails were the order of the day. Not even Nana could save us.

A game of riddles to get the drinks card ensured, one table at a time with us being the last. Finally allowed to approach the bar for drinks after 45 mins of being there, I had a fight with the bar-mouse who insisted though we had the right riddle answer, we had not reached it in the accepted riddle manner. I was not leaving the bar without drinks I replied, fire in my eyes, dust in my nostrils and murder on my mind.

No water in the teapots, stale lollies, stained table cloths and a layer of dust were shocking enough. The wait at the bar, bad music and the cast fighting with each other tipped us over the edge and out. On the street we laughed so hard, out loud, doubled over, we thought someone might call the authorities.

After 53 emails and threats of lawyers and guns we got my money back. But I remain unable to unsubscribe from their email list, not through lack of trying! So I’ve hidden them. I hope you do too!

“That’s enough! Off with their heads!” Queen of Hearts

Here are Fagyn’s shots – looks WAY better than it actually was!

We did end up winning at life that day as it ended with a new teapot, and tell me this – what day that ends in a new teapot is wasted? None I tell you! And if you haven’t tried Tea Associates yet – you’re crazier than we are!